Giving back to society is one of my favorite pastimes. I mean there was that one time I definitely gave $5 to a hobo at an off-ramp – my philanthropy knows no bounds. Some say I’m a modern day Mother Elizabeth Bayley Seton.
Today I was sitting around typing angry articles proving stupid people wrong when my local mail-person knocked on my door. I wasn’t wearing pants at the time (as I often don’t unless absolutely necessary), so I chose to ignore them. A few hours go by and I finally remembered to check the mail and lo-and-behold… something magical arrived.
You see, a few weeks back I decided there would be no better way for me to leave my mark on society than to become a minister of some sort. So after a few seconds of research and untold minutes of agreeing to things, I officially became an ordained minister by The Church of the Latter-Day Dude.This package was proof of my new venture.
This is no joke my friends. I even have the certificate to prove it:
And the letter of good standing:
This means a handful of things. Notably that I am, in fact, religious and belong to a church, and that in most counties it is perfectly legal for me to marry a couple as pursuant to local and state laws. Oh, and it means that you can and should refer to me as “Father Lee.”
If you or anyone you know are preparing to get married, then you now know who to contact. Not only will I perform the ceremony for the low, low price of $43* and wedding cake, but I will also perform exorcisms as necessary.
This, my friends, is just yet another way I give back to society. You’re welcome America.
*Subject to change. I have no idea what the going rate is.