Stock Footage Madness

Stock photos are a glorious thing. They don’t cost anything to use, they are generally of high quality, and YouTube won’t block my shitty parodies of them because they are a bunch of assholes. Seriously YouTube? You think I’m going to make money off of 1987s Bed’s Are Burning?! Go eat an unsightly meal.

Anyway, I’ve decided that the only thing that could make stock photos better is if they had maybe a caption or a snippet of information to go along with them other than the title. Sometimes you’re looking for the perfect image to go along with your article or flier and all of the pictures with the tags “miserable,” “damsel,” “coupons,” and “Wh-Wh-Wonder Wheel,” do nothing to distinguish themselves from one another.

Well that’s where I come in.

I’m going to start collecting some all-important stock images and captioning them. It could be a thought or verbal caption where the subject of the image is projecting their thoughts, or it may even be merely a title. Either way, you’re welcome Society. Enjoy.


“The store was all out of fresh kale so I had to buy chard instead.”

DCF 1.0

“The only thing worse than a negro President who ain’t born here is a woman President. What if she starts her ‘lady time’ in the middle of the State of the Union Address?! Trump 2016.”


“No. I’ll see you in Hell.”


“I’ve made a huge mistake.”


“No I can’t help you with the grocies mom, I’m busy gettin’ some rays while wearing my socks. God you’re such a bitch sometimes.”


Look at these goddamn eggs!


“Maybe I’ll just kill myself. Then they will miss me.” *uncontrolled sobbing*


“Tell me, Cordell, to you does that look like a wave goodbye… or hello?”


“I wish I had my socks on.”




Starry Night, Vincent van Gogh, Museum of Modern Art, New York, USA



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