Rawhide is a show where Clint Eastwood starts in a supporting role and eventually takes over with quietly-whispered-but-still-menacing threats. Let’s see what he does to old ladies, and what happens in episodes without him.
1. Cattle Drive Introduction
Little known fact: in the 60s, TV intros were a new thing, because TV was a new thing.
2. Rowdy’s Thirsty
If you want the best summary of what Rawhide is at its heart, it’s a show about a bunch of sweaty men who can just never find a big enough watering hole to drink their fill.
3. Rowdy’s Pickin’ Rowdy
The famed Eastwood confidence is on full display as Rowdy nominates himself for the priority mission ahead. All the women wanted him; all the men wanted to be him.
4. Grandma’s a Crack Shot
Funny thing about grandmas: give ’em a gun, and they can snipe a gutter squirrel’s left ear off from a quarter-mile away.
5. Making Sure Grandma Is Safe
Rowdy needs to be certain Grandma doesn’t have any dangerous characters in the adjoining room, or the other handful of adjoining rooms.
6. Get Outta Here, Eames
Meet Otis Eames, Western representative of the Cutler Harness Company. Rowdy has no need for a harness though, and he’s had just about enough of Eames’ lip.
7. Grandma’s Knitting Prowess
Grandma has some serious knitting game. With her trusty needle and thread at her side, she can rob banks, stop pickpockets, and even knit!
8. The Ol’ Switcheroo
Grandma wants that sweet, sweet Eames gambling cash, and the best way to do it is to drug the shit out of his drink and rob him blind.
9. Grandma, Professional Bank Robber
Grandma never met a stack of silver coins she didn’t like.
10. Best Way to Remember a Safe Combination
Look at this mastermind at work! Grandma skillfully chats up the clueless bank manager as he opens the safe she “accidentally” closed herself while she knits the combination for later.
11. Mud Bath Hijinks
Convinced at this point Rowdy’s a no-good thief thanks to Grandma getting them into trouble over and over again, Eames is determined to steer clear. Rowdy isn’t in the mood to repair the relationship, not in the middle of a relaxing mud bath.
12. More Drugging
Grandma’s found her way back into the bank and drugged the armed guard, leaving no one to stop her from emptying the safe.
13. Drink Up, Grandma
In the finest moment of Clint Eastwood’s lengthy acting career, he smashes a glass into Grandma’s face while gently cooing at her to drink her fucking medicine before he has to shove it down her throat. The sound of the glass bonking into Grandma’s teeth is clearly audible in this masterful scene.
14. Meet Colonel Agee
Rowdy doesn’t know it yet, but the man he thinks is a bandit who tried to rob Grandma is actually Colonel Agee, the person he was trying to reach in Indian Springs all along for payment.
15. Grandma’s Big Escape
You just can’t keep a good grandma down.
16. Mushy Salutes
Scout Pete Nolan’s found some water for his old gang and left a flag to mark the spot. Mushy approves, if he’s even mentally capable of that sort of thing.
17. “Sweet as Texas Sugar!”
You know when you wake up in the middle of the night, your throat parched, your mouth dry as a rawhide bone, and all you want in this godforsaken world is a good, long drink of cold, cold water? What do you say when that blessed liquid of life touches your lips? That’s what I thought.
18. Father and Son Reunite
General Augustus Perry salutes his son, Lieutenant Matthew Perry. He doesn’t say it or show it because he’s awful, but deep inside the general’s cold, evil heart, he’s bursting with pride and love for his prissy, West-Point-educated son, even if his fingernails are the most offensive shade of pearly white. His heart is also bursting with hate for American Indians, but that’s another story.
19. Bedtime Ritual
Pete Nolan is a lot of things: a good scout, a friend to the American Indians, a water-hole-revealing fiend, and a man of honor. What he is not is someone who keeps his pants on when he’s ready for bed, even if he’s still in the middle of a social exchange.
20. Smoke Signals
What’s that on the horizon? Pawnee smoke signals! What do they mean? No one knows!
21. This Is How Generals Stay Ripped
General Perry didn’t rise all the way to the top of his profession (war) by taking it easy, and he’s not gonna start now! A good, vigorous morning calisthenics is the all the exercise you need for killing some innocent Pawnees or yelling at your perfectly competent and well-meaning son.
22. All Thumbs
Wishbone knows how to run a kitchen as well as many man out on the trail, so it’s a goddamned crime against humanity he has to have a bumbling buffoon like Mushy as an apprentice. Mans’s got 10 thumbs! That doesn’t even leave any room for the other kinds of fingers.
23. “Let Go of the Reins!”
Lieutenant Perry has had it with his dad’s bullshit, and he’s not about to let him interfere with his mission to get the Pawnees their cattle. As the breath left the General’s mean chest, he could be heard gasping, “My son’s a badass, but I still hate him!”
24. Gray Hawk Shot Wild Horse
It’s a sad day when a father has to mow down his own son in cold blood to save his tribe, but that’s exactly what happened here. Honestly, Gray Hawk named him Wild Horse. Did he expect him to be calm and obedient?
25. Lieutenant Perry’s Final Moment
Matthew Perry screamed “I’ll be there for you!” as he rushed in to rescue Gray Hawk from getting shot by his own Pawnee tribe, but he ate a bullet before he could reach his target. He wasted his last words asking his father if he finally approved of him. General Perry said he wasn’t sure, but he’d think about it.
26. About That Peace Treaty…
“So hey, now that both our sons are dead, let’s go ahead and do that thing that would have prevented all this bloodshed in the first place.”
It’s been a delight to take a trip back in TV history, see how it all began for Clint Eastwood, and marvel at what pieces of work Grandma and General Perry were, but that wraps it up for our coverage of Rawhide. Check out our upcoming episodes (and GIFs) of the 1970s masterpiece Wonder Woman, starring Lynda Carter, a highly trained murder-ape, and a disgruntled flutist rock star who dabbles in hypnosis and robbery on the side.
