I’m Too Old For This Shit

If you’re in your thirties or forties and your dad was named Charlie, you’re likely very familiar with the Lethal Weapon film franchise. It was one of the most popular movies of 1987, a buddy-cop hall of famer starring renowned asshole Mel Gibson and renowned tall guy Danny Glover. Both actors saw their profiles continue to rise, there were sequels, and there were quotable moments aplenty.

I must have watched the first two Lethal Weapon movies a dozen times each as a (probably too young) kid on the VCR in the living room. These movies had it all. Quippy heroes, mustache twirling villains, improbable explosions, questionable accents, nudity, feathered hair, you name it. I can practically taste the Totino’s pizza rolls and Fruit by the Foot. I probably played Super Mario World or Hardball III after the credits rolled, and Bill Clinton was probably president.

Over the past couple of months, I developed a heightened interest in filling in a bunch of unsightly potholes in my movie watching road. The mission has expanded a bit to rewatching stuff I enjoyed during other phases of my life, and as a result, I recently put on the first Lethal Weapon for the first time in over a decade, maybe closer to two. I expected diminished returns, but the franchise’s first entry is incredibly fun and even sort of weird. A lot of the scenes that push the plot to its ultimate Good Guys vs. Bad Guys track are more creatively executed than those from similar movies of the era, and that’s probably thanks to Shane Black’s writing.

It’s often hard for me to think of Mel Gibson as a gifted actor thanks to his being a real piss puddle of a guy, but he’s fantastic as Martin Riggs, an unhinged cop suffering from PTSD. He makes Riggs feel free-wheeling and dangerous without sacrificing charisma. More impressively, Gibson handles the scenes during which Riggs battles his suicidal ideations with care and genuine emotion.

Glover is wonderful as veteran sergeant Roger Murtaugh, too. Glover effortlessly conveys the dueling warmth and weariness of his character, and he’s great at dealing one-liners or trading barbs with Gibson. I think their on-screen chemistry is another big factor in why the movie worked for me all these years later, and why it’s better than the bulk of its peers. One of the big throughlines of the first movie is Murtaugh’s acceptance of Riggs, a man whose psychological struggles and loose cannon antics have made him an outcast in the boy’s club world of law enforcement. Without the chemistry Glover and Gibson share, this aspect of the story would feel trite and out of place.

The little things contribute to the movie’s elevation as well, adding layers to the characters along the way. That’s not something action movies did in the ‘80s, and it hasn’t ever been routinely done, let alone done well. I like that Riggs gets to have a holiday dinner at Murtaugh’s home, and that everyone gets along. There aren’t any real disputes, everyone is in good spirits, and I came away liking all the characters more. I like that Murtaugh phrases most of his questions about Riggs’s past and psychological makeup in light-hearted ways, or in ways that let Riggs know his new partner wants to have his back.

I mentioned the weariness of Danny Glover’s sergeant Murtaugh, and it’s that weariness that brings us the most famous line of the Lethal Weapon franchise, a line that appears in all four movies. Exasperated by the whirlwind of trouble and criminal activity he is battling so close to retirement, Murtaugh exclaims, “I’m too old for this shit!”

No matter who you are, you’ve heard this phrase a million times. It’s Glover’s line read that made it so inescapable, the desperate plea of a decent man longing for the peace that seems so near on the horizon. It’s also funny, especially when you’re nine years old or haven’t heard it before, and especially when it’s an actor the caliber of Danny Glover delivering it. Watching Lethal Weapon again as a 37-year-old who is no longer nine or nineteen, I couldn’t help but feel the quote in a different way, and I also couldn’t help but to start asking questions.

The thing is, when I was nine, I didn’t doubt for a second that Glover’s Murtaugh was retirement age. Now? The man looks like a fucking Adonis! This is a dude squarely in his prime, a man with 15-20 years of crime solving and explosion avoidance left in the tank. Look at the density of his jet-black mustache! Murtaugh is supposed to be 50 in the first Lethal Weapon. Was this a wild age discrepancy, or was Danny Glover pulling some Paul Rudd shit in 1987? A quick Google search revealed that Glover was only 40 when Lethal Weapon was released in theaters; for all I know, Spring Chicken Glover over here may have been 39 when the movie was filmed. My childhood is a sham!

My mind was racing. Wait, wait, wait. If Glover was playing 50 at 40, what was Mel Gibson doing? Gibson was just 31 when Lethal Weapon came out, but Riggs is supposed to be 38 in the movie. That’s right, we have ourselves something of a reverse-Party of Five where the leads are playing a decade older than their true age.

While Glover’s age flip simply makes Murtaugh seem like a younger man playing dress up, it makes sense if you think he’s the best man for the role. Gibson’s is stranger. Turning a leading man seven years older at the height of his fame is already weird, but doing it to Riggs makes the father-son dynamic of his partnership with Murtaugh a bit more curious. It also makes Riggs’s flirtations with Murtaugh’s oldest daughter, Rianne, more questionable. I’ll be fair: I couldn’t find out how old Rianne was supposed to be, and Traci Wolfe was 26 at the time she played the role. The series also winds up having Rianne get with a different, younger officer. Rianne just seems like she’s probably supposed to be a few years younger than the actress playing her, and if Riggs is supposed to be 38, we have a possible ‘yikes.’

So yeah, I recommend watching Lethal Weapon and then doing a bunch of Google searches related to the actors and characters. It’s a fun way to spend a weeknight after work.

In conclusion, no matter what Roger Murtaugh might tell you, he is not too old for this shit.

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