The Room is the greatest bad movie of all time. We already spent a poor man’s fortnight talking about it on the podcast, but here’s a little bonus content in GIF form if you just couldn’t get enough. We sure couldn’t, and apparently never will.
1. Sights and Sounds
This movie takes place in San Francisco. It’s okay if you forget that, because the movie will be sure to remind you over and over again, sometimes during the same scene.
2. “I Have Something For You”
Johnny knows how to keep a girl satisfied, no matter what his best friend Mark may or may not yell at him in one of the film’s climactic moments toward the end. Here, he proves it by attacking Lisa with a beautiful red dress, which she immediately leaves and puts on right away.
3. Meet Denny
Two things we instantly learn about Denny: he “just likes to watch,” and he can consume entire apples in seconds, core and all.
4. Sex Education, Room-Style
Come one, come all to the Wiseau School of Lovemaking, which involves lots of hair preening, belly-button grinding, and sheer agony.
5. Rise and Grind
Ah, the difficult life of a superstar businessman. Gotta heed that 9:28 alarm and get an early jump on what’s sure to be a busy day.
6. “I’m Very Busy”
Speaking of busy, we never learn what exactly Mark does, but we do know he doesn’t have time for any of it.
7. Lisa’s Secret
Does Lisa have some secret? It turns out yes, and quite a big one. She’s actually in love with Mark, despite being Johnny’s future wife. Her point of view is so different to ours.
8. Johnny, Best Customer
While slipping in for a dozen red roses, we learn Johnny is unrecognizable while wearing sunglasses, as well as the flower store’s most favored customer.
9. “You Know I Don’t Drink”
Lisa shows off her bartending skills, successfully persuading Johnny to give up his teetotaler ways with a mixture of vodka and Cream Soda.
10. A Few Too Many
Lisa demonstrates how wild and out of control things are getting in this two-person party by wearing Johnny’s tie, while Johnny lets his glass shatter to the floor. What’s next? Complimenting each other’s body parts?
11. Complimenting Each Other’s Body Parts
Time for another good, hard shag, with some suspiciously familiar shots.
12. Claudette’s Big Reveal
Midway through talking about a number of trivial matters, Claudette decides to mention in passing to her daughter that she did, in fact, find out she has breast cancer.
13. Chocolate Is the Symbol of Love
And we’ve got the GIF to prove it.
14. Me Underwears!
Hilarity ensues when Claudette snatches Mike’s disgusting, sex-tainted underwear and spreads it out for all to experience.
15. Chris-R Makes His Appearance
If you don’t dive too deep into the context, this scene actually seems halfway competent, thanks in large part to Chris-R’s large parts.
16. Five Minutes
Do you have five minutes to spare? Chris-R sure doesn’t.
17. Johnny, Disappointed Father Figure
Like any protective male, Johnny writhes in what seems like pleasure and grabs a firm hold of Denny’s locks to express his concern. What has he gotten himself mixed up in? Who is this dangerous, but rather strapping Chris-R?
18. “I Did Not Hit Her!”
Lisa’s spreading lies that Johnny physically abused her, and he’s not having it. First order of business: teach that water bottle a lesson. Second order of business: immediately calm down and greet his best friend as if everything was perfectly fine.
19. “What a Story, Mark!”
To be fair, you’d laugh too if someone told you a tale of domestic assault and extended hospital stays.
21. Take That, James Dean
If anything, Wiseau one-ups JD with this spectacular piece of theater. And much like One-Speed Dean, he absolutely does not have a cause.
22. Back Alley Rumble
Mark doesn’t understand how Mike could get so embarrassed about underwear, so he figures it’s best to shove him into some trashcans. Mike somehow suffers brain damage from this innocent spill and has to be carried home.
23. Johnny, Secret Spy
After overhearing Lisa confess everything about her and Mark to Claudette, Johnny puts together a master plan to record her in the event she decides to confess again later on the phone.
24. Come In and Have a Seat
Lisa and Denny demonstrate their complete disregard for the chairs that are inches away.
25. Mark’s Violent Streak
When good friend and better psychologist Peter discovers Mark’s secret affair with Lisa, Mark makes an admittedly feeble attempt to eliminate the witness.
26. Johnny, Football Star
With big hits like that, I’m surprised the 49ers haven’t come calling. This movie takes place in San Francisco.
27. Surprise!
Lisa invited all of Johnny’s friends to his surprise birthday party. Good thinking!
28. When Is the Baby Due?
Fully committed to doing evil now, Lisa doubles down on her plans to destroy Johnny by falsely claiming to be pregnant.
29. “Lisa Looks Hot Tonight”
It’s not just Mark who wants Lisa, but also random party guests in attendance with their much older cake-loving dates.
30. Secrets Revealed
When Lisa and Mark get a little too close with their dancing for the fourth time at the party, Johnny confronts Mark and suggests that maybe he knows more than he thinks he does. A fight ensues, Mark’s a chicken, and Johnny’s fed up with this world.
31. “Screw the Whole World!”
Lisa’s gone, Mark’s not his best friend at all, and that means one thing and one thing only: it’s time to trash the place. Imagine a primal scream as the TV goes out the window, and it’s almost as if you’re there.
32. “God, Forgive Me”
In the ultimate act of revenge, Johnny decides to use suicide to get back at Mark and Lisa for their betrayal. Of course, he did seem to have plenty going for him outside of his relationship with Lisa and friendship with Mark, but sometimes you have to give it all up to complete your attempts at martyrdom. After you settle things with your maker, of course.
Bonus GIF: Sex Sells
Tommy Wiseau didn’t have to display his masterful buns barely 10 minutes into the movie, but he knew we’d never watch it if he didn’t. And you know what, we’ll let him have this one.
