Over on the Boob Tube Boys podcast we are taking a slight detour from our usual television shows and for the next six weeks will be taking a look at three of the greatest bad movies that have ever existed. Bad movies have been something the three of us hosts have bonded over across our many years, and sometimes after we recording we like to devour pizza and watch one together

My choice of movie to cover is maybe one of the lesser known bad movies, although it certainly has received some well deserved attention in recent years. It started out as Champagne and Bullets, but certain scenes were removed and it was mostly seen by audiences under the title of GETEVEN. Yet more cuts and changes were made (and additions, as bizarre as that may be) and we wound up with the even less violent Road to Revenge before finally being remastered in 2021 and once again released with its original title: Champagne and Bullets

Whatever you decide to call it, it is most definitely something you need to see to believe. If you want to hear what it’s all about go check out episodes 102 and 103 of the Boob Tube Boys podcast on your favorite podcatcher (even YouTube!) (note: as of writing this episode 103 has not been released. But by the time it is out there I’ll have forgotten to remove this note, so whatever. Deal with it)

But in addition to our sultry voices telling you all about the movie I’ve decided to host 28 of my favorite Champagne and Bullets GIFs here. They’ll weave a tale of intrigue, murder, and of Normad. Oh and while this movie does have some of the worst sex scenes ever put to film, I’ve decided to spare your eyeballs that horror. You’ll want to bookmark this page as your one-stop-shop for all things GIF and Champagne and Bullets related. So here we go!

1. You Just Made a Big Mistake

LAPD boss Normad just had a couple of cool guys doing coke murdered and when one of his own gets shot, he couldn’t care less. This causes the hero of the film (Rick Bode) to knee him in the groin. Normad awkwardly takes a while to let him know how he feels about the groin knee-ing

2. Normad’s Binoculars

A year after being kneed in the groin, Normad has accused Rick and best friend Huck Finney of doing and selling drugs while on the force. When giving his testimony he decides to show the judge what he means when he says the very confusing line “I used my binoculars”

3. Huck Finney Beats up Cops #1

Huck Finney, played by noted drunken Scientologist and B-movie king Wings Hauser beats up several police officers for what is somehow not the only time in this movie. This time around he’s mad about Normad’s court accusations and decides the best way to get the judge on his side is to beat up cops

4. Huck Struts His Stuff

With a cigarette in his mouth Huck teases Rick about not hitting the bullseye of the target they set up, and then struts his big drunk ass over to the car to show just how accurate he is

5. Shimmy Slide, Dead Eyes

It’s cowboy night at Lainey’s bar! This means when charismatic hero Rick shows up and one of the three songs in this movie begins to play, he has to get on stage and show off his skills. Although actor John De Hart’s dead, frightened eyes tell a different tale than that of his hit song The Shimmy Slide, it’s overall quite the performance

6. Cindy Dancing

Of course the whole song and dance isn’t just to show off for his buddy Huck… his ex-flame Cindy has returned to town and like a bird of paradise doing a colorful, twig-centric dance to woo a potential mate, Rick puts on his best performance. This absolutely works as we see Cindy getting totally into the whole thing and dancing like an excited mom hearing an 80s song at their kid’s prom (and yes, she’s dressed like Chairman Mao)

7. Shimmying, Sliding, and Ass Shaking

Early on in his routine Rick looked like he was partially possessed by some sort of demon who can’t work a human body, but after a bit he finally feels comfortable enough in his own skin to do an extra special wiggle just for Cindy. Special props goes out to the guitar player on the right who is almost as into this as Cindy is

8. Bad Line Dancing

The cowboy night crowd is also ready to get in on the fun and here we see four strangers begin to line dance about as poorly as any given group of four strangers could. Although we need to give credit to the guy on the right who is treating this like the performance of his life

9. Huck Brutally Assaults Someone

While Rick was Shimmy Sliding, a group of vagabonds comes into the bar and starts to harass Cindy. Rick pops one guy in the face casually but as you’re finding out, Huck doesn’t do anything casually. He begins to open palm bash the shit out of one of the other vagabonds before eventually going crazy with power and humiliating the guy as well. This man is deranged

10. Shoot This

In case it wasn’t obvious, Rick’s Shimmy Slide performance is enough to woo the heart of his ex once again and the elderly man takes the significantly younger Playboy Playmate out to a wonderful dinner at Bennie’s. This whole scene is quite the experience, but here in particular we see Rick try to eat his gal’s hand while also giving duck lips to a strange rhyming woman who wants to take their picture

11. Normad Sacrificing a Baby

We already know Normad is a corrupt cop. He’s gotten our boys Rick and Huck fired from the police force and we know he’s still moving his way up the chain. But there’s more to his story, somehow. It turns out he is ALSO a Satanic priest who leads his own congregation (WE LOVE YOU SATAN). But being a Satanist isn’t all fun and games my friends, sometimes you also have to send an offering to your almighty demon prince to show how devoted you are. A protesting Cindy was then tied up and forced to watch Normad do the deed in this flashback

12. Shootin’ Bills

Huck is a lunatic. There’s no question there. But he’s also a very sad figure and this movie shows his descent into madness before eventually finding the light. Here he’s inching closer and closer to rock bottom. You see his wife has left him, of course he lost his cop job, and he’s not even the best employee in the limo business so he simply doesn’t have any money left. But then an idea hits him… why pay his bills when instead he can shoot them with his gun?!

13. Huck Finney Beats up Cops #2

I told you there were more of these. At this point Huck’s ex-wife Alex appeared at his house to demand alimony payment, but when Huck says he doesn’t have any money she decides to pretend he beat her up and call the cops. When Huck tells the police the truth, they aren’t buying it. This causes him to do what any sane person would do… punch some cops

14. The Bewildered Judge

Remember when we said Normad was making his way up the corporate cop ladder, only to find out he also is a Satanic priest in his spare time? Well guess what? He has also set his sights on the judicial system and has somehow achieved the prestigious position of judge of some sort! Here we see the editor of Champagne and Bullets showing off their skills and we watch Normad just kind of look around for a while and doing nothing before eventually starting the scene. And yes, this is in the movie in its entirety

15. Vomiting Huck

Despite the fact that Normad presiding over the case of someone he knows and dislikes being a very obvious no-no the movie still has it happen. After yet another courtroom scene where Huck causes a fuss (at least he didn’t punch anymore cops!), Normad revokes his bail and sentences him to jail. But Huck knows a way out and after a janitor leaves a jug of bleach nearby Huck drinks it and spends a few moments clutching his stomach and retching. Honestly I just included this one because this is what most people look like when watching this movie

16. Cool Guy Boyfriend

Huck may not be having a great time but Rick sure is as things are looking great in his relationship with Cindy. They’ve decided to move in together and he’s driving her to her overbearing and religious father’s house to pick up her clothes. Cindy has a confrontation with her father, who simply doesn’t approve of his daughter bringing her young, hotshot boyfriends home. Not pictured are Rick’s leather pants but don’t worry, you’ll see them soon

17. Just Hangin’ Around

There they are! Just take a look at these two outfits… wow. While waiting for two small boxes of Cindy’s clothes our happy couple discuss how to best handle issues between family members. Cindy says it’s impossible to deal with her father because he’s so stubborn and devout, but Rick has a wild suggestion: “How about I stand here and hang from your dad’s gutters like a normal person would?”

18. Getting Married

After having a bunch of heaving old man sex the happy couple finally decide to tie the knot. Rick chose to wear his best jumpsuit to the wedding and to leave his weird mullet nice and disheveled, while Huck is in the background wearing an orange zoot suit and dancing around like he has to pee. It’s beautiful

19. The Wedding Night Dance

Now forever joined together under the watchful eye of god, it’s time for Cindy to show Rick the “kind of girl he married.” This is of course the same thing we’ve already seen a few times by now- a young, beautiful woman climbing on top of an old man with a blonde mustache and furiously grinding on him. Remember that bleach Huck drank earlier? It would be great if we could use some of that on our eyes right now

From here we’re going to skip ahead a bit in the story, so let’s set the stage. After spotting a picture of Normad that Rick keeps on his nightstand for some reason, Cindy puts two-and-two together and realizes that he’s also the leader of the Satanic cult that kills babies. Rick assures her everything will be fine and they’ll turn Normad in to the police. But later that same morning Normad’s goons chase Rick and Cindy on their motorcycle, and I guess she falls off? Or gets shot? Whichever it is, she does not survive her injuries. A grieving Rick then vows to “GETEVEN” at her funeral and begins to train his old body

20. The Religious Awakening of Huck Finney

By this point Huck has hit Rock bottom and suddenly had a religious awakening thanks to a visit from the most boring nun you’ve ever seen. No, he hasn’t become a Christian. Nor a Muslim. Not Buddhist, Scientologist, Baptist, or any of the other religions you’ve heard of. My friends Huck has instead created his own religion based on the teachings of his namesake, Huckleberry Finn. Here we see Rick training and he gets a good look at his buddy in full Huck Finn regalia, barefoot and all

21. Normad: Stylin’ and Profilin’

Normad isn’t just a cop. He’s also a judge. But not just that either… he’s also a drug smuggler, Satanic priest, and a very enterprising man. But there’s one other thing Normad is: a snappy dresser. When preparing to meet with a potential drug client he decides to give himself a once over in the mirror and DAMN if he doesn’t look good

22. Take a Left Turn and Merge onto the Road to Revenge

With his wife dead and a pledge to GETEVEN on the books, a calm but furious Rick infiltrates Normad’s compound and slowly begins to dispatch his many mustard shirt wearing guards. Here Rick fires his trusty bow and arrow into the neck of some guy who was just hanging out on the roof. Rick also has a gun and a crossbow but isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty, snapping some necks along the way

23. Shot by Normad

Rick is busy killing people while Normad meets with the drug client and beautiful drug client girlfriend. When the very busy entrepreneur gets wind of his henchman dying, he suspects this guy set him up. Normad deals with this problem exactly how you would expect, and shoots the client before yelling “Bye, bye bitch!” and shooting the woman too. Note to self: don’t cross Normad. Or rather: don’t be around Normad when someone crosses him

24. Old Man Fight

Having GETEVEN-ed his way through Normad’s compound Rick finally finds himself face-to-face with the man who ordered his wife’s death. But Normad isn’t going to take this lying down, after all he’s full to the brim with cocaine so he slowly attacks Rick, who slowly attacks back. The two elderly men battle briefly before Normad reaches for the ceremonial dagger which was used to kill that baby earlier, only for our hero to do a cool spin move and drive the blade deep into Normad’s belly. Rick has officially GOTEVEN

25. The Death of a Legend

With the blade firmly in his big, meaty body, Normad stumbles back into his cool 666 altar. As he slides to the ground and takes his last breaths, he uses all of his energy to curse the man that did this to him, letting out a gravelly “I’ll see you in Hell you son of a BBBBIIIIITTTTTTCCCHHHH…”

26. Mourning, but Patriotically

Rick visits his dead wife’s grave but also it’s Independence Day I guess, because he sure puts on that outfit with a straight face. But appearing from the shadows is a nun! I’m not going to explain this shit… go watch the movie. What really happens here is just as absurd as this image implies

BUT WAIT! Van you said there were 28 GIFs for me to enjoy! That was only 26! What’s the deal?!

Well I also said I wasn’t going to put any of the sex scenes here and you better believe that was a lie. I had to watch these things and now you do too. Deal with it

27. Nipple Grinding

Here Rick “sensually” grinds a piece of ice into this poor woman’s nipples like he’s drawing with a crayon. Gross

28. Touchin’ Boobies and Rick’s O-Face

Disgusting!

Well there you have it, folks. These are 28 of the greatest GIFs from one of the greatest bad movies you’ve ever seen. Don’t forget to check out our podcast episodes on this fantastic movie and if you’re interested in watching it yourself… well maybe you should click here and who knows? Maybe something will happen.